when things get difficult

Here I am again after a time away. It’s not shocking, based on my past ability to keep up the habit of writing. I would definitely say that my time away and difficulty in having time to write here has come from difficulty at work.

Here the titles of teacher and leader come into play.

Teacher

As a teacher I only have so much in my power. I can control my classroom and influence my team as best I can to maintain a united front in our actions. I do not have the power or desire to manage my team. It’s not my job. My job as a teacher is to do my best to work with my team to instruct students, help them achieve academic success, and grow in their character.

Leader

As a leader, as I’m oft reminded that I am, I have the ability to help make decisions at a higher institutional level and support decisions that I was not a part of to create a cohesive culture of thriving adults who, then in their own turn, support the achievements of our students.

I think sometimes we can get in our heads about how much influence we can have in these situations – as do others. I agree that I can work to influence others to maintain our culture. I also agree that one can lead a horse to water, but we all know how that goes. There are some people that remain impenetrable, no matter the urging. I have spent the better part of the last year hoping to exert influence in spaces that I do not have control over and only now, some 6 months later, have I started to forgive myself for not being able to alter thing outside of my control.

I don’t mean to say I’m neglecting my responsibility or discounting my own sway, but I have felt very pressured from others to exert influence upon people and manage situations that are not part of my responsibility. I keep asking how long I can and should overfunction for my team and peers at school. I mostly overfunction for the benefit of the students, but at what point is it enough that I have done my personal best in a sustainable way and that I cannot control or exert beyond that?

I have overfunctioned for multiple teams over the near decade that I’ve worked at my current school. In my quest to remove items from my plate so I am A) less over worked, and B) create a more sustainable practice of teaching for the long term. It’s only now as I am facing a sheer inability to change the circumstances that I find myself really working on the skill of self-forgiveness.